Archive for the ‘Observations’ Category

Step 1 – Clear your mind

Before having a conversation, think about the other person.  Ask yourself, “How can I connect fully with what this person is about to say.”   Keep your mind open, free from preconceived ideas or assumptions of what they might say.

Step 2 – Listen

Listen to the words they are using, their tone of voice and body language.  Concentrate on the messages they are conveying.   Skilful listening is critical in understanding what messages are being communicated.

Step 3 – Demonstrate that you understand

It is important to communicate that you understand what they have said and the messages they are portraying through their body language and tone of voice by repeating back some of their exact words.  Say something like, “That’s a really good point you made about….”

Step 4 – Find similarities

Bring into the conversation areas where you both see “eye to eye”, common themes, subjects or observations.

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Here are some great questions from some young women during  the international women’s week celebrations in Basingstoke.   Fashion Retail and Business Students from BCOT caputured attention by displaying they important questions.   It was fabulous to get a message across in this creative way but my concern is that it was a silent message.  My passion is to encourage and show women how to speak up and get their voices heard by key decision makers who will influence their career.   It is important for women to get out the habit of  “waiting to be asked”.  Enjoy the photos…

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Building relationships is by far the most important and satisfying skill to have.  Without others buying into our ideas, we are lost.   How many people do we know who have talent, great ideas, are formally educated but are unable to connect with others?   Therefore their ability to influence in this world is greatly reduced.  It is a mystery to me why building relationships is not taught formally at school.   We are fortunate if we live in a family who communicates openly – with their hearts and minds.  If not, we have to somehow try and pick it up on the way.

There is also a great deal of harm that is caused when relationships break down, whether between governments, political parties, countries, in business, in families and or with colleagues and friends.   So much time and effort is spent in pouring blame on the other side.  If our time was focused on what is right rather than what is wrong, how much more time would we have to focus on what we want?

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It is important to listen to the messages our emotions are trying to communicate to us.  If a situation keeps repeating itself, eg if we are constantly late for meetings, or people seem to dump on us, or we keep promising ourselves we will take more exercise, or lose weight, but it never happens, then it is time to find out what is going on!

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Often, we have not given any time to challenge our beliefs.  For example, if we smoke, we do not allow ourselves to really examine the reasons why we smoke and the damage it is doing to our bodies.  The answer from smokers may be:

  • I am too stressed to give up smoking
  • I can give up smoking but not yet
  • I like smoking
  • I have tried to give up but haven’t got the willpower
  • I don’t like other people telling me what to do
  • I don’t really believe that it is harmful
  • My grandfather lived to 100 and he smoked  

These types of reasons leave the person powerless to give up because there is no real conviction or will to give up smoking.  To change a belief or habit takes real conviction.

Other habits may not be as drastic to change although still harming our development. Our beliefs/habits need to be challenged if they are not working for us.

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Our habits are built on our belief system. Habits can either work for us or dis-empower us.  We seldom question our beliefs to check their accuracy.  We just assume that the way we see things is the truth.  

If we strongly believe that if we clean our teeth twice a day then we will preserve our teeth, it follows that we will get into the habit of cleaning our teeth twice a day.  The stronger the belief, the more conviction we have to carry out the habit. A big factor for people who stay stuck in boring and unfulfilled jobs is that they believe that they can’t do or find anything better.  To prevent them thinking differently they stay unfocussed, distracted and find lots of reasons why they can’t get out of their current situation. 

A habit that many women share is:  They will put themselves at the bottom of the list.  Everyone else comes before them.  What is the result?  Sometimes, built up resentment, burn out and sometimes illness – the body says, “I have had enough”.

It is so important to change this habit.  No-one really benefits when women feel taken for granted. We cannot feel happy and make others happy when there is in-built resentment.

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It is a key requirement that you discover what you want.  The more vivid, exciting and passionate we are about what we want the more power we create for getting it.  Candace Pert in her book has scientifically proved that our emotions create positive or negative feelings in our body. 

If we focus our attention on what we don’t want then we create negative emotions in our bodies and will find it very difficult to achieve our dreams.   It is like having a lead weight round your ankle whilst trying to move forward.  Clearly, we need all the help we can get, so the message is, Think Positive.

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