Archive for the ‘Habits’ Category

My advice would be no… January can be the hardest month.   Grey days, overdrafts, low energy, more stuff and clutter to fit in at home.  January is the highest month for disatisfaction and the peak of divorce applications.     However many of us start the month with firm resolutions to change our lives.    I have heard recently “I am… detoxing/ joining a gym/ whitening my teeth”  the majority of people tend to focus on the external self to feel good.  To get lasting and continuious change I like to focus on the inner self.   Thoughts and beliefs to boost confidence and self esteem.    Without address your inner self all the best intentions and resolutions will result in the same behaviour patterns and then same results.    My 3 top tips for January….

1. Focus on what is good in your life – what are you thankful for and why…(friends, family, home, health etc)

2. What did you achieve in 2010?   For 2011 keep a note either weekly or monthly of your achievements it is a great motivator.

3. Going forward keep a file of thank you notes or emails of appreciation.   If you need a boost choose a mixture of 10 friends/family/colleagues send an email asking them what they perceive your 3 strengths or unique gifts to be.  It’s a wonderful eye opener.

Although January is a tough month it can be a refreshing time with hope for the year ahead.   For careers it is a time when the job market picks up and industry comes alive after the Christmas break.   Many new jobs are advertised and budgets change opening up opportunities for promotion. 

And finally if you really want to know how to change a behaviour or career direction get in contact.   I would be delighted to help you on the fast track to lasting success not just for January…. lynda@in-a.co.uk

Have a fabulous healthy and happy 2011.

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5:  Learn to negotiate – Most women need serious practise at asking for more money.  Remember, as long as you ask reasonably, your boss can only say no.  Don’t moan – argue for a rise on the basis of your performance.  Don’t threaten to resign if you don’t mean it.

6:  Be one step ahead – What objections will your boss have if you ask for more money?  Anticipate what will be said so that you have a good answer.

7:  Have a face-to-face – Ask to speak to your boss in person so you can both understand the situation and agree what can be done to change it.

8: Get some support – If a chat with your boss doesn’t work, talk to your female colleagues and gather support.  If you feel underpaid or undervalued, chances are others do too.  Lodge a complaint together.

9: Use the law – A trade union can help you fight for equal pay.  They’ll negotiate on your behalf and take legal action if necessary.

10: Be positive – Never apologise for asking for more money, believe in yourself. If you believe in yourself others will to.

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It maybe said that it is a woman’s perogative to change her mind but the challenge is sticking with the change.    Our patterns of thinking are entrenched by our belief systems and our life experiences, shaped from the moment we are born.   So when we learn that a new way of thinking can be helpful to us how do we overcome our minds…?    I was encouraged to learn that even Moses  found a change of  thinking and a breaking of his old habits harder than speaking to Pharaoh, or leading the Israelites through the desert!   It is no easy thing to change the habits of an old man. Moses was eighty when he experienced extraordinary experience of challenges and miracles. But, like most of us, Moses was not willing to change his ways and routines for something he knew and understood very little about.   He doubted his abilities and skills as he described himself as slow of speech.

So the battle is in our minds, capture your thoughts and make sure they are positive and helpful.   This where our change happens.   

Inspired by Ellel 365 – daily inspiration.

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Key 1

Truly appreciating the person or persons, eg commenting on the person’s qualities or making a comment to let the person know you have listened to their point of view or found something that is similar.

Key 2

Listening with an open mind and heart – to understand what they are saying and what they are feeling, eg withholding judgement.

Key 3

Be prepared to explain and discuss your views and beliefs.  Be willing to challenge your own beliefs.  Are they based on sound principals or are they beliefs with very little substance?

Key 4

Demonstrate that you understand their views.  Find common ground.   What are you willing to sacrifice – to give up?

Be prepared to speak, be open, honest and show your true self. 

Key 5

Keep your promises.   This engenders trust.  Show you care. Find ways to demonstrate that you care by doing something unexpected for the person.

Remember that it is a human need for people to be recognised, appreciated and understood – even if their behaviour tells us the opposite!

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It is important to listen to the messages our emotions are trying to communicate to us.  If a situation keeps repeating itself, eg if we are constantly late for meetings, or people seem to dump on us, or we keep promising ourselves we will take more exercise, or lose weight, but it never happens, then it is time to find out what is going on!

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You may find this list helpful to examine the Habits that Work and those that do not.  This Checklist may help you get started

Checklist of habits that work

  • Looking for opportunities in everything you do and in everyone you meet
  • Appreciating yourself and appreciating others
  • Going the extra mile – pushing your boundaries
  • Getting around barriers
  • Feel the fear and doing it anyway!
  • Having a low tolerance for low pay
  • Finding role models who can teach you skills you lack
  • Willing to challenge beliefs that do not work for you and try a new way of being
  • Willing to trade comfort for a higher goal
  • Focusing on what you want
  • Willing to challenge the status quo
  • Putting your own needs into the equation
  • Writing down actions which will keep you on track

Checklist of habits that hinder

  • Blaming others or the system
  • Settling for less
  • Having a high tolerance for low pay
  • Believing that other people are more capable than yourself
  • Having low self esteem
  • Spending time on non-urgent, non-important things
  • Spending time concentrating on the inadequacies of others
  • Relying on others for what you want

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Often, we have not given any time to challenge our beliefs.  For example, if we smoke, we do not allow ourselves to really examine the reasons why we smoke and the damage it is doing to our bodies.  The answer from smokers may be:

  • I am too stressed to give up smoking
  • I can give up smoking but not yet
  • I like smoking
  • I have tried to give up but haven’t got the willpower
  • I don’t like other people telling me what to do
  • I don’t really believe that it is harmful
  • My grandfather lived to 100 and he smoked  

These types of reasons leave the person powerless to give up because there is no real conviction or will to give up smoking.  To change a belief or habit takes real conviction.

Other habits may not be as drastic to change although still harming our development. Our beliefs/habits need to be challenged if they are not working for us.

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