Archive for the ‘Communications’ Category

When we listen empathically, people feel understood and it changes the dynamics of the communication.  We are creating positive energy to enable both parties to seek consensus.  The most powerful communication is when we understand fully first, before trying to put our own views forward.  It takes patience and self control. 

This does not mean that we remain passive in the conversation.  You have set the scene for having the best chance to be heard.

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Building relationships is by far the most important and satisfying skill to have.  Without others buying into our ideas, we are lost.   How many people do we know who have talent, great ideas, are formally educated but are unable to connect with others?   Therefore their ability to influence in this world is greatly reduced.  It is a mystery to me why building relationships is not taught formally at school.   We are fortunate if we live in a family who communicates openly – with their hearts and minds.  If not, we have to somehow try and pick it up on the way.

There is also a great deal of harm that is caused when relationships break down, whether between governments, political parties, countries, in business, in families and or with colleagues and friends.   So much time and effort is spent in pouring blame on the other side.  If our time was focused on what is right rather than what is wrong, how much more time would we have to focus on what we want?

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It is important to listen to the messages our emotions are trying to communicate to us.  If a situation keeps repeating itself, eg if we are constantly late for meetings, or people seem to dump on us, or we keep promising ourselves we will take more exercise, or lose weight, but it never happens, then it is time to find out what is going on!

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When Florence Nightingale was asked what had been the motivating factor behind her immensely productive work in hospitals, she answered “Rage”. Quoted in Piero Ferrucci’s book “What We May Be”.

Using forceful energy for positive results can be very helpful.  I remember many times as I was climbing the career ladder in a male dominated business, I would be enraged by sexist comments.  The trick is to turn this rage into positive energy which gives a determination to succeed.  It often gives us the courage to say what we have been fearful to say.   Watch out though, if the rage is not controlled then we are likely to say things that we regret for ever.

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I am a firm believer in showing people how to.   Unless you know how to do things yourself or you can use it practically in your life it is of not much benefit.


“Know where to find the information and how to use it -that’s the secret of success”.

Albert Einstein

Here are some Top Tips:


Top Tip 1: For handling a difficult conversation


·        State the issue and the impact

·        LISTEN to the other person’s point of view

·        Seek a joint resolution 


 Top Tip 2: When you want a skill that you admire in someone:


·        Ask them How do they do it? 

·        Don’t judge or try to change their answer

·        Observe, listen and model (without interrupting)


Top Tip 3: Questions to ask to learn how they “do it”


Ask them to give examples of what works:


·        What happens just before you…..?

·        What are you thinking about…?

·        What are you feeling…?

·        How do you know when (you are connecting someone)?


You are always welcome to contact me directly with questions, suggestions or progress at Lynda@leadatwork.com.


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Listen to inspirational speeches.  Pull out the words that connect to you.  The speech made by President Obama when he won the Election will, I believe, go down in history as one of the greatest speeches of all time.  His words and delivery touched the hearts of people.  He was passionate, truthful and full of hope for the future.  He was humble and complimentary about his opponents, accepting their qualities.  He was powerful and spoke with authority.

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I was really excited to be invited on Radio Berkshire as we are working hard to get more exposure of the website www.leadatwork.com.

Radio BerkshireSusanne Courtney, who was standing in for Sarah Walker was great. She was warm, friendly and curious. Her natural bubbly personality was very reassuring. She smiled constantly and it just shows that when you smile this comes across even on the radio. So this is a great tip for all of us – remember to smile.

It was an excellent opportunity to spread the word to help more women achieve their potential.

But, guess what? The one thing I failed to mention was the website address – Arrrrh! I just got caught up in the moment and failed!

So to encourage myself I am remembering that: 

  • There is no failure only feedback! 
  • No opportunity is ever wasted 
  • Don’t wait until everything is perfect, get started now, with each step we grow more skilled and more confident….

I have also been encouraged by the people who listened – even from China! Thank you Sarah, and congratulations on your new position as a Finance Manager in a big local private company for 500 people, that is great news. And thank you for reminding me that I said in the interview, “If we think we can, then we can; if we think we can’t, then we can’t.”

Help more women to achieve their potential, tell your friends to register at www.leadatwork.com.

Lynda Cant on Radio BerkshireTo hear the interview this link is available until 2nd November 2009 http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p004sx3h/Sarah_Walker_27_10_2009/

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